Feeling Lost

Today I got to talk to my Husband on the phone and that always makes my day. I Love hearing his voice and knowing he is Safe. So I realized that I can no longer watch all those Homecoming shows. It just hits too close to home for me. I am very happy for those on the show that get to hug and be with their loved ones again, buuuttt with my hubby deployed I can't help but feel a little bit of jealousy. Not because I hate them but because that is THE ONE THING that I want the MOST right now. Is to have my husband safe and back in my arms and me in his. I really try everyday to be positive and substitute all my negative thoughts for positive. It's harder than it sounds but it does seem to be helping. Everyone has their own methods of survival and that is just one of mine. I cannot believe it's already August and already I can't wait for it to be over. Then again that's what I was saying when July first started. I know that's how I am going to be until He Comes Home Safe!

So lately I have been in a bit weird mood. We have been married for 4 amazing years now and somehow I feel like I still don't belong. I guess you could say I don't feel like a "Seasoned Wife". I feel awkward without my husband around base. I feel like a noob. Just because this is MY first deployment with him married but his fourth...I don't feel like a Marine Wife. It's hard to explain I hope I'm making some sense. I talked to my Husband a little about this through email yesterday and he told me that at deployments I am new to it because we were fortunate enough to not have him deploy for the last 4 years. Last time he left was in 2006 and we were still engaged. I don't know if this is normal or if other wives have felt the same way. But I got to thinking and realized that being a Marine Wife isn't about how many times your Husband has deployed but the simple fact that you are there Loving and Supporting him in what he chose to do. No matter how many deployments we have under our belts we are still all in this together! I am Damn Proud of the fact that I Love and Married One Of The Few Good Men and he Loves me back. Even though deployments can Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo it! (excuse my language) I am very proud of him and the of our troops for what they do for this country! Yes that was my patriotic moment for the day lol!

Now the other thing that is driving me a little crazy is civilians who ask me the same questions all the time when they find out the my Hubby is in the military. I have days where I feel like I just want to scream if one more person asks me "Do You Miss Him?" "When is he coming home?" "Does he get to come home for the holidays?" "Aren't you afraid something will happen to him?" "OMG how long? You still have a long time to go!" etc etc... I have to count to 10 and remind myself that not everyone understands how Military life works. Instead of making angry remarks I just have to politely tell them you know what yes I do miss him everyday but I would appreciate it if we did not talk about it. I suppose everyone is different and for some people it helps to talk about it. And I do sometimes. I just don't like being pushed into talking about it. Well that was my venting for today! It's time to go spend sometime with my family now. Thanks for reading.